Arguing over points

In a healthy relationship the arguments are about how people feel and what should be done to correct it. In an unhealthy relationship arguments are about proving sides and earning points.  Arguing over the transcript of the last fight is just people trying to verify their points.

This isn’t healthy.

(via Punfree @ reddit)

Attachment and Authenticity

Attachment depends on the person’s ability to develop basic trust in their caregivers and self.

Dr. Maté explained that most people, when faced with the choice of either attachment or authenticity in their relationships, will go for attachment first, seeking recognition and validation from others instead of being able to give it to themselves. – Candice Plattor

Attachment-and-authenticity

Love is acceptance

Mr Rogers on Acceptance

1. “Often when you think you’re at the end of something, you’re at the beginning of something else.”
2. “Forgiveness is a strange thing. It can sometimes be easier to forgive our enemies than our friends. It can be hardest of all to forgive people we love. Like all of life’s important coping skills, the ability to forgive and the capacity to let go of resentments most likely take root very early in our lives.”
3. “Love and trust, in the space between what’s said and what’s heard in our life, can make all the difference in the world. ”
4. “The child is in me still and sometimes not so still.”
5. “Discovering the truth about ourselves is a lifetime’s work, but it’s worth the effort.”
6. “Knowing that we can be loved exactly as we are gives us all the best opportunity for growing into the healthiest of people.”
7. “I don’t think anyone can grow unless he’s loved exactly as he is now, appreciated for what he is rather than what he will be.”
8. “There are three ways to ultimate success:
The first way is to be kind.
The second way is to be kind.
The third way is to be kind.”
9. “Feeling good about ourselves is essential in our being able to love others.”
10. “Love isn’t a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.”
11. “Try your best to make goodness attractive. That’s one of the toughest assignments you’ll ever be given.”
12. “The connections we make in the course of a life–maybe that’s what heaven is.”

via wikipedia

Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood won four Emmy awards, and Rogers himself was presented with a Lifetime Achievement Award at the 1997 Daytime Emmys,[31] as described by Esquire‘s Tom Junod:

Mister Rogers went onstage to accept the award—and there, in front of all the soap opera stars and talk show sinceratrons, in front of all the jutting man-tanned jaws and jutting saltwater bosoms, he made his small bow and said into the microphone, “All of us have special ones who have loved us into being. Would you just take, along with me, ten seconds to think of the people who have helped you become who you are. Ten seconds of silence.”

And then he lifted his wrist, looked at the audience, looked at his watch, and said, “I’ll watch the time.” There was, at first, a small whoop from the crowd, a giddy, strangled hiccup of laughter, as people realized that he wasn’t kidding, that Mister Rogers was not some convenient eunuch, but rather a man, an authority figure who actually expected them to do what he asked. And so they did. One second, two seconds, three seconds—and now the jaws clenched, and the bosoms heaved, and the mascara ran, and the tears fell upon the beglittered gathering like rain leaking down a crystal chandelier. And Mister Rogers finally looked up from his watch and said softly “May God be with you,” to all his vanquished children.[13][32]

Your mate

Help mate is a partner who shares common goals and vision for the future, and who assists you in maintaining a home, building a career, saving for the future, raising children together. It is all the “adult” things.

Soul mate is a partner who connects with you on a deeply intimate, emotional level. It is the stuff that songs are written about. It’s romance and flowers. Two soul mates together can look a lot like a high school or Romeo & Juliet romance, or yes, the honeymoon period.

Mind mate is a partner who connects with you on an intellectual level. Who shares your interest in science or philosophy or current events etc. Two mind mates together could be the couple getting their PhD’s, or completing the crossword puzzle together Sunday morning in bed, or reading side-by-side at night, or having a lively debate about politics… or sitting in the rocking chair at the old folk’s home, their bodies spent, but their minds still active as they talk endlessly about their favorite topics.

Playmate is a partner with whom you share fun. You share the same sense of humor and are always cracking jokes. You share same interest in arts or sports and you’re always up for an adventure. This can also be the couple that has a lively and adventuresome sex life. The couple that plays together, stays together, is their motto.